Casual Vacancy

There is a hollowness
in my bed,
a void formed
from the
leaving
staying
breathing
sweating
leaving
one after the other.

There is a waiting
in my bed,
deliriousness
from the thought
that better belongs in the future.
What is better?

Is it more sculpt in his torso,
Is it a better tongue,
is it a quality
a quantity?
Can I taste it?
Can I touch it?
Can it touch me?

Can I ever reach maximum satisfaction?
When satisfaction is just
an abstraction
fueling itself
on doubt and
wearing the tag of ego.

There is a casual vacancy
in my bed,
as I turn myself
and curl in the left-hand side
each night,
not looking at the glaring
salience on the right-hand side,
a side that no longer
even dips in hope.

-Taru Gupta


In politics, a casual vacancy (casual in the sense of “by chance”) is a situation in which a seat in a deliberative assembly becomes vacant during that assembly’s term. Casual vacancies may arise through the death, resignation or disqualification of the sitting member, or for other reasons. Here, however, I used the term in a more mundane way (to be very abstract).

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Love,
Taru.